


to like and to dislike

by WattStalf



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 20:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8071633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: He doesn't know if he likes him or not.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pajamaprodigy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pajamaprodigy/gifts).



> A short drabble for a friend of mine because yeeey birthday

They've spent so much time together lately. Maybe too much time, maybe just enough, and Mikado doesn't know which. He hasn't been paying enough attention to the boy at his side during that time, so maybe it hasn't been _enough time_ yet, but he doesn't know. Aoba is his friend now, but he doesn't know if he likes him or not.

And there is something that throws him for a loop, if only for a moment. It's been very easy, for as long as he can remember, to be able to tell if he likes someone or not. Whether they have an air about him that leaves him feeling uncomfortable or they do things to irritate him or they carry a familiar comfort with them or bring a smile to his face without even trying. It's not supposed to be hard to know the difference, but with Aoba...with Aoba, he just doesn't know.

But they've spent so much time together lately that he wants to know, and he wants to understand why he can't understand and why it isn't as black and white as it should be. If he were to think about this from the perspective he might have held in the past, it would be simple and he would hate him, because he knows the sort of person Aoba is. From the beginning, he's been planning and instigating, and  _using_ just to achieve his goals, and Mikado can't like somebody like that, even if he is forced to call them his friend.

And yet it isn't that simple, and he doesn't carry that perspective anymore. He is different today and he will be different tomorrow and each and every day following, and in that time, he doesn't know if he's ever going to make sense of his friendship with the young man who has helped drag him so very low. If he doesn't like him, then it should be easy to sever ties at the first chance he gets, and if he does, then he won't have to and he won't want to.

He doesn't want to, but he does; he needs to, but he thinks he can make do if he doesn't. If he doesn't like Aoba, then things should be simple and if he does, then maybe they won't be  _simple_ , but  _simpler_ , at the very least. He doesn't know if he likes him, and he thinks maybe he should pay a bit more attention. Maybe he should look closer, at Aoba and at himself, and truly learn where he stands.

He does not want to let himself grow any sort of genuine attachment, and he wonders if that is what keeps holding him back.

 


End file.
